Aka your 1:7 billion...
Another recurring and scary trend that I have noticed during my run on the mating game is that men you have for one reason or another deemed as a 'friend' may not always have your best interest in mind. I suppose that is not something groundshaking or new; but each time it presents itself to me I am shocked... friends are friends: they hold you up when you are down, they convince you you're a good person/beautiful/not incompetent when you believe you're awful/ugly/ridiculously incompetent... and when being your friend is that simple, guys and girls do an equally amazing job. However once dating advice comes into play, why is it that a number of guys, ok, a number of my so-called platonic guy friends bring up the "only me" statements that misdirect the conversation from you and guy-of-interest to you and guy- friend?
I do not know if this holds true for every girl with a handful of platonic male friends; someone you've deemed as having a quality or two that makes sleeping with them completely unacceptable. But for some reason or another, and whether or not they have girlfriends or significant others, they slip in some passive-aggressive statements that make you think, or at the very least pause and stop, that they are the only male on the planet who understands you?
Now we all know that this is impossible: there are 7 billion people on this planet, which comes out to a better chance that you will eventually find someone or many someone's out there who understand you. Besides, he's your friend, a buddy and not a potential boyfriend. You know that and as far as you are concerned he knows that. Except for the fact that this notion has not stopped three, yes three of my platonic guy friends from saying at one time or another, and repeatedly in one way or another that they are the only guy I know who 'gets me'.
I find this notion both laughable and insulting. If a girl said that to a guy, if a woman said that to a man, she would be written off as psychotic, unstable and crazy.... but when a guy does it to a girl, if a man does it to a woman... he is a hero; a knight in shining armor waiting to rescue her from the black-hole sun that is her dating field.
Let me give you an example: while watching a movie with my platonic, wonderful yet completely unfuckable friend... let's call him "Pete", made comments to me throughout and after the movie about my many quirks that he supposedly noticed during the few hours that we were together; now it was a nice revelation to hear, however he followed it up with "see? and I am probably the ONLY one of your friends who notices these things about you; I know you." He's said those things before, emphasis his, on the only that he dishes out to hammer home the fact that he and he alone knows my soul...
Point of fact: a lot of people know my quirks and can read me like a book, some better than others. But just because you have learned to recognize my idiosyncrasies and my small neurosis and believe them to be cute does NOT mean that you can convince me that you and I are eternal soulmates when I have already filed you away under the 'friends' category. Congrats, you know me, but that's not enough.
Another example: a friend of mine, let's call him "Vince", is currently dating and has dated this one girl for quite a while, a string of women that never seems to end. I don't blame him; he is smart, charming, giving and apparently amazing in the sack. Who wouldn't want him? ... oh, well besides me. We are friends: we decided that a while ago and have had a wonderful relationship ever since... but he's let slip many many many times that no other man could treat me as well as he could, and that he's upset that he'll never get to show me what real romance is, and that he is the only living proof that good men exist in this world.... well, you get the point.
Point of fact: yes there are a LOT of Sketchbag McGees out there who do not treat women or anyone for that matter well. Yes I have had my unfair share of them. However, I have to believe that there are more good men out there than there are bad... otherwise how else would I explain why those nice guys are always trapped with those bitchy girls and vice versa? Out of ... let's say 3.2 billion men in this world, more than 1 will know how to treat a lady. Seriously.
I guess it is so upsetting because this kind of passive-aggressive sell is only dished out once a person-of-interest enters your life, and it seems as if they are subconsciously trying to prevent a relationship from beginning so as to not lose that sense of hope that maybe, one day, some day, you'll turn around and see the light, proclaiming your undying love for them. First they find something wrong with your new guy while playing up their strengths; then they keep reiterating how well they know me in comparison without understanding that oh em gee this guy is brand new and hasn't even had a chance; and then they advise as 'friends' that I be careful and that there are a lot of wackos out there (dually noted) and that they are 'always here' if I need them (yeahuh). This kind of behaviour is only friendly on the surface: they make it seem as if they are looking out for your best interest when they are clearly only serving their own.
Not too long ago, Vince let slip that when he knows that I am single, and I venture that it is the same for all girls with platonic friends who want more, it gives him a sense of comfort knowing that I am 'still available'. What I can't help but wonder is ... we discussed the fact that we would never date, each friend of mine and I... so why in the face of the facts does he and Pete and other guy friends still try to sabotage another man's chance of legitimately being with me?
Seriously; in this drama scare tactics and reverse psychology only work on the stupid. If you successfully scare me into believing that no other can do whatever it is that you magically can... then I won't love you. I'll settle for you. And is that really want you want, to be settled for? To have her say 'I do' when it's really 'You'll do'? Really. If I am not dating you, and remember I am single, it's because you're missing something that I need in order to have a relationship with you. Scaring me into believing that no other man could possibly live up to your place of superiority is not the way to find what you don't have that I need. Oh no; but it does gets me off. Pissed off.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Human Factor
If all people are created equal, and when you think about it (biologically) we are, then why is it that some people are considered to be more equal than others?
What makes another person more than another? Ceteris paribis, Latin for "Other things being equal", why are others elevated while the rest stay behind?
I ask these questions and write this column because of a story I heard about an office, a story in every sense of the word because I only know of it as a rumor. And as a rumor, I know that it has a 50% probability of being ficticious. But from my experiences thus far in rumors, lies and outlandish willful participation in campaigns of mis-information, there is always a hint of truth hidden in these stories. Now this office story reminded me of another, the brilliantly tragic "Animal Farm" by the visionary George Orwell. Orwell wrote "Animal Farm" as a ficticious story with factual events and hopefully this column will turn out to be ficticious as well.
This particular office I speak of has a reputation of being all-encompassing, honest and harboring a sense of camaraderie. An ideal place to work for any person not quite comfortable with cutting proverbial throats or backstabbing, or better yet those people who left such behavior where it belongs: in high school. And I guess for a while this sense of belonging and appreciation from the company was real; employees were happy and it mirrored in the companies thriving success rate for so-many odd years that they have been in business. That is, until recently. A series of sweeping changes (none of which I know as an outside spectator) shifted this energy of equality and togetherness to one side... At first causing a bit of friendly competition between each sector of a well-oiled machine... That is, until the first hint of a company wide segregation came to light.
At first glance the use of the word "segregation" may seem a bit harsh, however in this context I believe it to be an accurate representation of the situation as I know it. I'd be lying if I said that I had not heard about companies, not just this one I am referring to, who have done what I am about to say... But every time I do hear it again, it hurts to know just the same. This company, and others I've known and even worked for myself, has the rumor flying around of a "selective" guest list at the company's Christmas party.
Yes, that's right. A selective company Christmas party... where some employees in certain sectors, depending on their "successes" (read: money making abilities) are invited to a dinner, drinks and dancing evening while employees in certain sectors who have been deemed expendable and whose jobs have been mistaken for erroneous are excluded from the only party and only "gift" so to speak that a company throws and gives for its employees...A party that is most likely expensed as a "business" cost.
Now correct me if I am wrong, but I was under the impression that a companies employees are the most important part of a business. From the perspective of an employee who has done her fair share of grunt work and has had her fair share of uninvites to Christmas parties, it is outrageous. It would be one thing if the company was going under; or if it didn't make a lot of profit this year, or if simply they could not pull the damn thing off. Fine. Shit happens, I understand. This is NOT the case with this company or with any company I know that has had selective guest lists at their Christmas parties . And while yes, the work that some employees do may seem unimportant.. until there is no one to do it.
The prime example I can give? Housekeeping, especially in a hospital setting. No one ever looks twice at a cleaner roaming the halls where doctors, nurses, surgeons and whatnot rush here there and everywhere saving lives.... But holy hell if the cleaning staff every disappeared the hospital and everyone who ever stepped foot inside those doors would be shit out of luck.
As it is everywhere really... The little things, whether it be housekeeping or data entry, get done by the little people in your company, people you may not even notice and people you may not know you need until they are gone. The higher you climb up that ladder of success, you might want to think about appreciating whomever is holding you up, doing those little things you simply could not be bothered with because someone else will get it done for you. A happy worker is a productive worker; and if your workers are unhappy you and your company will eventually fall.... and when you do those little people you ignored, segregated and otherwise demoted in this apparent hierarchy of humanity might not notice... and even if they do, they might not even care.
I realize that it is only October and that in the future I may end up being the erroneous one, but the sense of inequity that stories like this produce has no time limit... and seemingly no end in sight. I can't help but wonder what will happen in the not-so-distant future to those employees and all other companies who put their employees worthiness for appreciation into cold hard dollars and cents. It's not something you want to think about... until it happens to you. And let me tell you, the feeling that you actually have a monetary worth placed on your head by your employer ... it's a pretty shitty feeling.
What makes another person more than another? Ceteris paribis, Latin for "Other things being equal", why are others elevated while the rest stay behind?
I ask these questions and write this column because of a story I heard about an office, a story in every sense of the word because I only know of it as a rumor. And as a rumor, I know that it has a 50% probability of being ficticious. But from my experiences thus far in rumors, lies and outlandish willful participation in campaigns of mis-information, there is always a hint of truth hidden in these stories. Now this office story reminded me of another, the brilliantly tragic "Animal Farm" by the visionary George Orwell. Orwell wrote "Animal Farm" as a ficticious story with factual events and hopefully this column will turn out to be ficticious as well.
This particular office I speak of has a reputation of being all-encompassing, honest and harboring a sense of camaraderie. An ideal place to work for any person not quite comfortable with cutting proverbial throats or backstabbing, or better yet those people who left such behavior where it belongs: in high school. And I guess for a while this sense of belonging and appreciation from the company was real; employees were happy and it mirrored in the companies thriving success rate for so-many odd years that they have been in business. That is, until recently. A series of sweeping changes (none of which I know as an outside spectator) shifted this energy of equality and togetherness to one side... At first causing a bit of friendly competition between each sector of a well-oiled machine... That is, until the first hint of a company wide segregation came to light.
At first glance the use of the word "segregation" may seem a bit harsh, however in this context I believe it to be an accurate representation of the situation as I know it. I'd be lying if I said that I had not heard about companies, not just this one I am referring to, who have done what I am about to say... But every time I do hear it again, it hurts to know just the same. This company, and others I've known and even worked for myself, has the rumor flying around of a "selective" guest list at the company's Christmas party.
Yes, that's right. A selective company Christmas party... where some employees in certain sectors, depending on their "successes" (read: money making abilities) are invited to a dinner, drinks and dancing evening while employees in certain sectors who have been deemed expendable and whose jobs have been mistaken for erroneous are excluded from the only party and only "gift" so to speak that a company throws and gives for its employees...A party that is most likely expensed as a "business" cost.
Now correct me if I am wrong, but I was under the impression that a companies employees are the most important part of a business. From the perspective of an employee who has done her fair share of grunt work and has had her fair share of uninvites to Christmas parties, it is outrageous. It would be one thing if the company was going under; or if it didn't make a lot of profit this year, or if simply they could not pull the damn thing off. Fine. Shit happens, I understand. This is NOT the case with this company or with any company I know that has had selective guest lists at their Christmas parties . And while yes, the work that some employees do may seem unimportant.. until there is no one to do it.
The prime example I can give? Housekeeping, especially in a hospital setting. No one ever looks twice at a cleaner roaming the halls where doctors, nurses, surgeons and whatnot rush here there and everywhere saving lives.... But holy hell if the cleaning staff every disappeared the hospital and everyone who ever stepped foot inside those doors would be shit out of luck.
As it is everywhere really... The little things, whether it be housekeeping or data entry, get done by the little people in your company, people you may not even notice and people you may not know you need until they are gone. The higher you climb up that ladder of success, you might want to think about appreciating whomever is holding you up, doing those little things you simply could not be bothered with because someone else will get it done for you. A happy worker is a productive worker; and if your workers are unhappy you and your company will eventually fall.... and when you do those little people you ignored, segregated and otherwise demoted in this apparent hierarchy of humanity might not notice... and even if they do, they might not even care.
I realize that it is only October and that in the future I may end up being the erroneous one, but the sense of inequity that stories like this produce has no time limit... and seemingly no end in sight. I can't help but wonder what will happen in the not-so-distant future to those employees and all other companies who put their employees worthiness for appreciation into cold hard dollars and cents. It's not something you want to think about... until it happens to you. And let me tell you, the feeling that you actually have a monetary worth placed on your head by your employer ... it's a pretty shitty feeling.
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