When the love ends but the relationship unfortunately doesn't...
When it comes to relationships, a bit of give and take and the all-mighty compromise is necessary for its survival. Some relationships are meant to be and others start out great but eventually fizzle out and end for one reason or another. We've all heard of lingering emotions after an official breakup, but who has heard of a lingering relationship?
I was once in a relationship for approx 1 and a half months. It was long distance with someone whom we'll call "Ben". I had met "Ben" through a mutual friend. He seemed decent enough but as things changed I found myself unable to balance school, work, social and personal time with him being 200 clicks away. The latter half of month 2 was spent trying to break things off as I figured breaking this off early would spare us both the time, money and heartache that comes with a long distance relationship. Unfortunately for me "Ben" just didn't get it. When I finally managed to break things off "Ben" still didn't get it. Then came the calls and the emails. I reiterated my stance that no, we are not going to get back together despite his insistance that in 2 weeks I would come crawling back.
Well, 2 weeks passed and not only did I not come crawling back, I started seeing someone that I really liked. Of course "Ben" learned of this and you guessed it! He still didn't get it. Then came the note taped secretly to the back of a favourite cd he had kept hostage followed by a visit to my brother asking for a second chance with me.
At this point I had had enough. A 2 month relationship was being elongated against my will for over 7 months after the fact. If I said "no" the first time, what makes you think that I will say "yes" the millionth time? When a former significant other, be it a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, for no matter how long you have been together tells you "I don't want to be with you" or "This is not going to work" it does NOT and I repeat does NOT mean "Try harder". It does not mean keep calling or emailing trying to convince your ex otherwise. That is not called love. That is called manipulation.
Now, this is something that everyone I know, including myself, is guilty of. We've all called or emailed an ex once or twice asking them for a second chance, but usually, normally, when the calls are not answered, the emails are sent back and the belongings are returned, you give up. You move on. You realize that no matter what you do or say this person is not going to change their mind. When you think about it, if you have to manipulate, trick or force someone to love you and to stay with you... then maybe its not right. Nobody likes having their free will messed with, especially concerning something so important as an intimate relationship. "Ben" refused to believe or listen to anyone but himself when it came to our dead relationship. Instead of accepting the facts, which were might I add right in front of his face, he chose to argue his way through and push his opinion upon myself, my friends and my family.
Now, maybe we all didn't learn the same things in kindergarden, but throwing a hissy fit will not get you what you want. If you even have to throw a hissy fit instead of maturely accepting your former significant others wishes, with time of course, then the question remains: is this ending a result of non-compatability or non-compliance? Is he or she not giving you what you need or what you want? Instead of trying to force someone into agreeing with what you feel is right, if you have to force someone to comply with what you feel is best then you know what? The relationship is already over. If one person is making all of the decisions without respect or consideration for the others feelings or opinions then you're not even in a relationship. No sense in trying to convince someone into remaining in something that is actually nothing.
When it comes to relationships, a bit of give and take and the all-mighty compromise is necessary for its survival. Some relationships are meant to be and others start out great but eventually fizzle out and end for one reason or another. We've all heard of lingering emotions after an official breakup, but who has heard of a lingering relationship?
I was once in a relationship for approx 1 and a half months. It was long distance with someone whom we'll call "Ben". I had met "Ben" through a mutual friend. He seemed decent enough but as things changed I found myself unable to balance school, work, social and personal time with him being 200 clicks away. The latter half of month 2 was spent trying to break things off as I figured breaking this off early would spare us both the time, money and heartache that comes with a long distance relationship. Unfortunately for me "Ben" just didn't get it. When I finally managed to break things off "Ben" still didn't get it. Then came the calls and the emails. I reiterated my stance that no, we are not going to get back together despite his insistance that in 2 weeks I would come crawling back.
Well, 2 weeks passed and not only did I not come crawling back, I started seeing someone that I really liked. Of course "Ben" learned of this and you guessed it! He still didn't get it. Then came the note taped secretly to the back of a favourite cd he had kept hostage followed by a visit to my brother asking for a second chance with me.
At this point I had had enough. A 2 month relationship was being elongated against my will for over 7 months after the fact. If I said "no" the first time, what makes you think that I will say "yes" the millionth time? When a former significant other, be it a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, for no matter how long you have been together tells you "I don't want to be with you" or "This is not going to work" it does NOT and I repeat does NOT mean "Try harder". It does not mean keep calling or emailing trying to convince your ex otherwise. That is not called love. That is called manipulation.
Now, this is something that everyone I know, including myself, is guilty of. We've all called or emailed an ex once or twice asking them for a second chance, but usually, normally, when the calls are not answered, the emails are sent back and the belongings are returned, you give up. You move on. You realize that no matter what you do or say this person is not going to change their mind. When you think about it, if you have to manipulate, trick or force someone to love you and to stay with you... then maybe its not right. Nobody likes having their free will messed with, especially concerning something so important as an intimate relationship. "Ben" refused to believe or listen to anyone but himself when it came to our dead relationship. Instead of accepting the facts, which were might I add right in front of his face, he chose to argue his way through and push his opinion upon myself, my friends and my family.
Now, maybe we all didn't learn the same things in kindergarden, but throwing a hissy fit will not get you what you want. If you even have to throw a hissy fit instead of maturely accepting your former significant others wishes, with time of course, then the question remains: is this ending a result of non-compatability or non-compliance? Is he or she not giving you what you need or what you want? Instead of trying to force someone into agreeing with what you feel is right, if you have to force someone to comply with what you feel is best then you know what? The relationship is already over. If one person is making all of the decisions without respect or consideration for the others feelings or opinions then you're not even in a relationship. No sense in trying to convince someone into remaining in something that is actually nothing.
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