The Interview

I’m just a girl in your cell phone, but you’re just a line in a blog.

I can’t remember if I have alluded to my man-a-month summer; a period of six (6) months where in fact, each month I had a new man I was telling my girlfriends about.. Sometimes good stories, but more often than not they were hilariously awful stories. Anyway when I mention this to some of my friends – guys and girls alike – they often mistake my terminology of choice thinking that something juicy happened when really it was quite the opposite. Now under normal circumstances I wouldn’t mind, but in the sense of the dating game a verbal misunderstanding can often turn into a blowup.

Let me explain: During my man-a-month summer I did indeed go out with 6 different men, but I did not ‘date’ them: No, I in fact conducted what I like to call an ‘interview’. To clarify, an ‘interview’ is what I refer to as the first few dates – i.e. 2 strangers meeting to see if a) there is a connection and b) if they can stand each other after the initial politeness wears off. My ‘interview’ process at best last three times; meaning the guy will have had three chances to impress me, and he will have had three chances for me to impress him. Interviews usually involve public places, rescue-me calls and code-words to get out of a terrible situation. This is what happened with The Cop, The Cameraman, The Organic Grocery Store Man and The Hippie. One coffee date was had with each, followed by either a mutual thank you and good-bye or a non-negotiable but still awkward ‘no thanks’ phone call or email.

Anyway, if we both pass the ‘interview’ stage, because remember; a relationship is a mutual selection process, then would I move on to the ‘seeing’ stage – where you’ve decided you like the person enough to continue, well, seeing them. This stage usually involves dinners at one persons place and slightly more personal conversation, not to mention the kiss. This is what happened with The Medic and The Teacher. After a few extra dates, well, in the life of Carrie, after this stage I would either transition into the ‘dating’ area (semi-exclusive and beginning introduction to friends and colleagues) and eventually reach ‘relationship’ status (the talk has been had and agreed upon) – or in both of those previous cases, neither man would ever call me again. Or was it I who forgot to call them? I can’t remember – but either way it ended and probably for the best, as if I can’t remember why or who forgot to call, they probably weren’t on my mind enough to make me want to date them.

So I guess a few of my friends incorrectly assumed that I ‘dated’ – meaning I went out with six men on three or more dates and kissed each and every one of them before deciding “Nope – just kidding! You can leave now, buh-bye!” Of course, this is not the case. That’s poor form. And apparently if you’re female, so is ‘dating’ (as defined above) six men in as many months. I mention this because the friends that misunderstood me and my intentions immediately labeled me as ‘one of those’ girls – loose, promiscuous, and even easy… Despite the fact that men do this all the time – and for some reason that’s perfectly acceptable.

A friend of mine once told me that it didn’t matter if a guy ‘liked’ this one particular girl – he’ll still flirt with you and try to win you over as well. Why? Because guys go for multiple girls at a time – and I gotta hand it to you men: This idea is golden. Its brilliance lies in its simplicity: It’s all about statistics. The more you play the field, the better chances you’ll have to find the right person for you, or in some cases, you’ll have to get laid. So why is it ok for guys to ‘date’ that way based on how well it works and how intelligent it really is, but it’s not ok for us girls to do so as well?

Before anyone gets mad at me – I’m not referring to those kinds of girls that I mentioned above. You know, the ones that prey on men’s stupidity by going to the bar wearing practically nothing and flirting in order to get drinks, dinners, even jewelry and clothing but never letting anything go further? Yeah – No. I’m talking about those of us, male and female, who legitimately try to find the right person but are incorrectly judged as promiscuous based on the methods we chose to engage in during our search. We’re not being promiscuous; we’re being smart. We’re actually using that statistics crap we’ve been taught in lecture to our benefit!

But in the end it doesn’t really matter what those friends of mine think – They’re usually my bitterly single friends who complain about never being able to find a date, or how terrible the other sex is, or when they DO get a date have it spiral into friendship. This masculine form of dating is not only intelligent – it works. At least, it did for me.

But that post will come later.