Declaration of Independence

Are all relationships, like people, created equal?

Yes my friends, it’s true. Your beloved Carrie has found herself in a relationship –her first in almost a year and a half. Suffice to say that I am a bit rusty in this area… I’m still getting used to and don’t think will ever get used to the concept of being someone’s girlfriend without the stigma that it’s had for me and many of my girlfriends over the past few years. Don’t get me wrong here; I’m not miserable in the fact that I have a boyfriend- it’s nice. It’s just that after being single and fabulous for so long, I can’t help but wonder how I and others adjust to the relationship world just as we were enjoying the single life?

I know a lot of people spend the majority of their single life searching for the one who will ‘rescue’ them from their supposed lonely and sad existence. I, on the other hand, never believed that. I believed in celebrating the single life for every minute of it – for we are lucky to have such freedom and endless possibilities in front of us. Not to mention the awful but so funny dates I went on, and might I add, after experiencing the good, the bad, and the as if of the dating game, it makes me appreciate more the good men who are out there. Especially when you have someone to call after a bad day, or someone to bring to a formal event, or someone to do nothing with is lovely, calming and stabilizing.

Except, of course, when you’re a twenty-something. Perhaps it’s just me and my weird understanding of relationships but sometimes, and irrationally I might add, serious long-term relationships begin to look like lace-covered forms of entrapment. Sometimes it signals the end of so much – many ideas that I know will never happen but the possibilities were often enough to keep me going. Maybe because I’ve been in relationships like that and maybe because I’ve seen my girlfriends fall into relationships like the ones I am describing - most recently one particular girlfriend, let’s call her Nicole. Don’t get me wrong here, she seems happy most of the time and when she’s happy I am happy – but we hardly ever get to see each other because she’s with him and even when we do get to see her, her man is never far away.

I was thinking about this on my way home from the gym – My inner city escape from school, work and people in general – how much I enjoy and value my ‘me’ time. I never understood how some of my friends who are in relationships can go from work to their significant other without a break in between to do the things that they need to do – alone. I mean, I enjoy the pleasure of Vegas’ company, but I also enjoy the pleasure of my own. As I had mentioned before I never had nor will I ever need another person to validate my existence, regardless as to whether or not I was in a relationship or not. I ended up asking myself if I could retain my sense of independence while being in a relatively committed relationship.


I decided to give Vegas another chance partly because I never stopped caring for him and partly because he was my most sane relationship. When he lived in the city our relationship was consuming… and yes, it got boring. Monogamy became monotony. We were too young for such a serious relationship that with age came every day responsibilities such as work, bills, kids and well-developed lives that prevent relationship-overkill. But this time around, with him 2 and later on 4 hours away from me with a job, separate friends and ‘adult’ responsibilities, maybe monogamy won’t become monotony. Maybe this is the perfect relationship.